Bismillah

Assalaamu alaikum,

I talk to myself. I am my own personal motivational coach. Just last week i said to myself, “Blackseed, you have to finish Surah BAqara this week! You been slacking. Are you a slacker?”

And of course I had to respond, “ No! I AM NOT A SLACKER!” Then a whole week went by and I didnt complete a single page of Quran… Because I had Covid. It felt pretty much like a mild flu. But it had been a long time since my energy was so thoroughly drained the way Covid drained me. But alhamdulillah I am recovering as is Master Yoda and the young longs. I still have a lingering dull headache humming in my ears. But there is something else humming there too.

I had forgotten just how much I rely on my body to do what i ask of it. I had forgotten just how much work it takes to run a household and that the reason i cannot always accomplish the goals i set is because i may have to hold my 11 year old whose head hurts so much all she can do is cry and moan while we wait the necessary hours between doses of Tylenol and IBUPROFEN. Alhamdulillah for the strength to carry on. To rise up and try again. Then to fail miserably and try again. Then try again.

Until one day, this morning actually, i got up and memorized 4 pages of Quran. And not because of anything special within me, but because of Allah. Because Allah truly can do anything. What is required is that we show up. And keep showing up, and never give up until the job is done.