Bismillah
As Salaamu alaikum
To sit and recite the words of Allah is the richest experience of my life. I do not have peace in my day until I hear the rhythmic hum of the muduud (extensions) and sukuun (stillnesses). Sometimes I wonder how people can walk through the earth and they haven’t listened to the heart beat of Quran. Haven’t felt the words of God, the words of Allah pulsating through them. When I recite I feel the comfort of absolute certainty in the plan Allah has for my life. I am able to dream again of what it could be like for me if I were truly to let go of the world.
If I were blessed to enter into a state of continuous remembrance of Allah I cannot even imagine the relief I would experience on my soul. When I think of the messenger, peace be upon him, standing in night pray for hours, I wonder if he had the strength to do so because of the warmth he felt in his heart. I wonder what he experienced as he placed his soul in Allahs hands and turned away from the hypocrites, the pain of loss, the anticipation of battles. Indeed as he turned away from the world I wonder what he felt. Will I feel that one day. Will you?
As I memorized my line from Sura Nisa this morning, forcing myself to stay awake, I tried to feel the Quran. My three-year-old daughter sang and hummed and asked for snacks, and I tried to pull back from the world. The sound of cars rushed by the closed windows. The sound rising and falling as they passed. I tried to be still. I ran my child back and forth to the bathroom and my heart tried to remember and to feel the peace of angels wings descending on me. But… my eyes closed and I drifted to sleep… Sitting cross-legged on the floor my words slurred and my thoughts fell away. Peace descended and I was knocked out until my alarm sounded.
I guess I’ll try again tomorrow..