I have always wanted to be Hafidha. But I never really had a goal or focus with Quran beyond that. I don’t think that I ever realized what the point of Quran actually is. Or really sat and contemplated what it means to be reading the “Word of God”. And as I sit here having completed today’s lesson I am feeling the weight of that reality. This is a different type of thing.
Reading Quran is unlike any other reading I have ever done. It has no parallel, equal or match. It’s strange in a way because I’ve spent so many years pursuing it that I rarely stop and just feel what it means to me. The Quran is my air. It is my nourishment and my sustenance. When I have nightmares it comforts me. When I am lonely it accompanies me. And when I am saddened it soothes me. I love Quran. And after all these years working so hard to try to memorize it. I finally feel that I truly love Allah. And I feel that every time I read an Aya and revise a page, I am proving my love to my beloved. Much in the same way that we hug our children to show our love, I embrace Quran to show Allah that I love Him. I keep trying to get closer to Quran because I want Allah’s love in return.
There is sweetness and purpose that Allah is allowing me to experience. It fills me with gratitude and hope. Because I know Allah sees me. I know He’s watching, and I know He’s there. And I have hope that when I meet Him the sweetness will remain.